stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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