Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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