Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
