Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
