he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
