he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
