I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im having a threesome with these popsicles
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
