Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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