Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
