they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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