should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
