I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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