Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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