Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize