Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
