oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize