arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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