If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
