How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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