I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
