She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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