let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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