Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
