Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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