My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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