I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
