Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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