i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
