so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You made out with two different species that night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
