come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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