dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize