i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
