I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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