I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
