My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
