In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
