Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
