I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
