Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
