I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
