i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
