Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize