Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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