You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
