I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
