I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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