I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
