Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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