u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
