She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize