She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
