Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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