After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
