He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
