She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
