Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry about my life...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
