i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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