Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
