I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
