she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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