Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
