New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
