I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
