operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
