airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
