You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
