Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
