Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize