when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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