just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
