The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
