It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
