Porn is love you can see.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
